LIFESTYLE AND RELATIONSHIP

HOME PAGE : RELATIONSHIP AND LIFESTYLE

2011-12-31T23:55:00.002+05:30

Theme: Relationship as Friendship, Dating, Live-in Relationship, Marriage. Articles about resolving issued relating to Marital Conflict Divorce, and Implications of Separation.

Happy Family

Man and woman relationship is the sweetest thing in this world. It is the single largest source of happiness for all of us living in this society. Since the ages, the various expectations from and rules governing the relationships are changing. Here in the articles which would follow We would discuss some of the general issues affecting our relationship. We shall try to provide solutions to the burning issues which crop up during the relationships.

So here are the endeavours to make us seeing some pitiless roadblocks so clearly that we can identify them. While preparing the articles on how various factors operating in our surrounding effect our life and our mutual relationships, care has been taken to help arriving at a mutually beneficial solution. Here it is tried to find some acceptable solutions responding to the challenges the following relationships pose before us.:

FRIENDSHIP : Every friendships starts with some mutual liking. If our goal is to make friends, we can cultivate it by paying attention to the likes and dislikes of the other person. If the friendships is between a man and a woman, it become source of happiness in many ways, including it can result in a long lasting married life.

DATING : With online dating help we can find tons prospective dates. However before you make your first foray into dating, you should have some basic knowledge and ideas about what is really the 'Dating' is and what type of changes it can infuse into your life.

LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP : With the modern and drastically changed social setup, the institution of marriage is going through a major change. More and more couples choose not to marry. Bit they desire to have a relationship without marriage. ‘Live-in Relationship’ is the answer to their need. Under this arrangement they live together without being married and cohabitate just like spouses.

MARRIAGE : Marriage stamps the relationship between a man and a woman as legal and bestow upon them certain rights and obligations. If we keep the mothers pure love for her children as a special one, then the relationship between the spouses are the single largest provider to the happiness in our life. It provides love, security and perhaps everything that a man or a woman would ask from each other.

There are other issues, too, playing vital role in human. these aspects also affect our life and our relationships in great proportion.. These are MARITAL CONFLICTS, COMMUNICATION, PARENTING, DIVORCE, RECONCILIATION and other. We shall be touching most of these in the following articles. [Image courtesyWikimedia Commons By Hairywizard (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons)]

HUMOUR IN MARRIED LIFE: IF THERE IS ANY

2011-10-13T14:13:00.001+05:30

AUTHOR : NAVAL LANGA

The partners in marriage are selected in heaven : that is what I have heard. But after my marriage, I have cultivated a strong belief that in heaven, too, everything is not OK. They do make mistakes in selection.

Tango couple in a close-up picture

I remember how one of my advocate friends was helping her client. She is a senior advocate and practices in matrimonial and criminal side. So whenever a case of her side comes to me, I refer the clients to her. So she had a client before her. The client was desirous to sue her husband under section 125. We refer to the sections only when we talk about the criminals. By the way the section 125 of CrPC of India when a man woman demands maintenance from her husband.

So the senior lady advocate was asking her client woman, while sitting in a proper human environment.

“What have you lost?”

“I lost my four years of life: I washed his house, I cleaned his floors, I cooked for him.”

“You should demand pay for the same.” The lady advocate was bold.

“Madame, I lost my sleep, I lost my peace of mind in the process of being happy with him.”

“Okay, Anything you lost in the process?”

“My virginity, Madame.”

Since this incidence I have stopped referring cases to any other advocate. Nor I do entertain the family matters. Because I strongly believe that a person, who has still not solved his own family matters, should not get involved in any other’s family matters. [ Image Courtesy By Christian Aastrup [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons ]

DIVORCE: Think Before You Jump

2010-05-20T23:35:00.005+05:30

It would be better to think Before You Jump Filing a Petition for Dissolution of your marriage.

There is one undisputable fact about divorce: And the fact is that no one marries to take a divorce. Yes, that is the hard reality. Divorce is the child of compulsion that the spouses face; and it is child of a situation wherein solution for keeping marriage alive could not be arrived.

Actress Marilyn Monroe walking from Santa Monica courthouse with her attorney, Jerry Giesler after divorce from Joe DiMaggio

However before filing a divorce petition, both of the spouses should think seriously over the issue. There are certain ways and means that could have helped and the spouses involved might not have tried. To try the following things would certainly be a better choice.

Listening Each Other

The spouse filing a divorce petition should think about it that has she or he tried to hear the other spouse? Listening is the first step taken towards solving a problem. Listening is showing how a person is serious about keeping the relationship alive. It would establish whether a partner is still interested in the difficulties faced by other one and is sincere in solving the same.

Subjects between Spouses and Partners

When spouses sit together for discussing the difficulties faced by them, they should try finding it out that how serious the problems are and how they can help a solution. Many a time it happens that the problems are minor; but if they are kept unattended, it becomes more acute for obvious reason of neglecting the same.

Try Marriage Counselling

If you find yourself unable to reach at an acceptable compromise, it would be better to avail the services of marriage counselling agencies. They are the people who would tackle family issues smoothly. They have experience of solving al types of issued concerning marital disputes and problems affecting relationships. [Image courtesy By Los Angeles Times [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons]

DATING: How to Make Dating a Relationship, a Lasting One

2009-05-30T23:55:00.015+05:30

Theme: Make your Date A permanent Happiness. How to build a Lasting Relationship

Those who have met by an unplanned meeting or with the help of dating sites would tend to be relatively unknown to each other. But once they have come into contact their desire to meet frequently might rise. Here the possibilities of converting the dating into a long lasting relationship would emerge.

Couple In Love

There are factors which affects in making a man and a woman becoming so close. The most important factor is the ‘attraction’ they feel towards each other. First factor cementing a relationship is the attraction that a man and a woman feel towards each other. It is the element that acts like a force between two persons drawing them together and resisting their separation.

WOMAN: Linda was dating Mike since two weeks. It was her third meeting that prompted her to take a note of the factors that have her so attracted. Back at her home she tried writing down the reasons for her being so attracted to Mike, who is an assistant engineer in a not so big company. She had noticed his time consciousness, his choice for not-so-costly but nice looking dress. And above all he was not a sex maniac. Here lies the secret of how to search for a person with whom you would like to live for more time. If you can locate the very reason of your being so attracted, it would surely help cementing the relationship. Then the dating schedule would simply become a concrete time table for a long lasting relationship.

MEN: Mike was not a novice to the dating. He knew very well that knowing about the other dating partner would help in several ways. If you find any particular thing that your partner is interested in, you can make yourself familiarise with that factor and ease your way for a better relationship. He found out that Linda had keen interest in discussing about novels written by Charles Dickens. He had read none of the Dickens'. But on the very next morning of their first date, he went to a stores who sold old books and came home with Hard Times and Great Expectations. That enabled him to discuss the same on the fifth day, during their second date.

If practiced positively, such a thing would help very effectively in building up a lasting relationship based on similar interests in life. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

DATING: First Step for Serious Relationship

With online dating services available at a distance of a throw of a stone, one can find tons prospective dates. Previously you were to find such information from your own sources. However before you make your first foray into online dating or take the help of other dating agencies, you should have some basic knowledge and ideas about what is really the 'Dating' is and what type of changes it can infuse into your life. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

TRADITIONAL DATING : Formerly the dating was purely a public affair. It was arranged mostly by the families of prospective brides and bridegrooms. The purpose was to facilitate the man and woman to come closer and search the possibilities of their being engaged. Subsequently they might be married. The dating man and woman, usually a young man and a young woman of marriageable age, would be allowed to go alone for socially acceptable activities such as for meal, for a movie of for participating in a dance party.

PRESENT DAY DATING: With the passing of time, the 'socially arranged system' of dating has taken a 180 degree change. Now it has become a matter of two persons only, of a man and a woman involved. Presently the persons concerned only decide about all the aspects concerning their dating. So it has become crucial for them to know more about the pros and cones of dating. Whenever you find and go for dating, it should be kept in mind that the it should indicate your interest in getting to know someone. You are to go nearer in a polite, respectful and a tactful manner.

While going on a date with a person, it can be tempting to enter into sexual relationship -- particularly when the other partner is an attractive, interesting and a showing intimacy. But while dating a man or a woman, one should have in mind the very purpose of it. if it is for merely getting a partner for sexual purpose, it would be fair. But if the purpose for the dating is to build up a serious relationship, then extra care must be taken.

DATING: Tips for Women - How to Attract a Man.

When a man meets a woman with an intention of assessing her suitability as a partner or spouse, he would carry a set of questions in his mind. Here lies the key for success. If a women desirous of entering an intimate relationship, she must think about some factors concerning the law of attraction. Are there factors making a woman irresistible? Can a woman know how to attract a man, for dating or for entering into a relationship? Yes, there are. In your surrounding you would find many women who carry with them such elements making a woman more attractive and sociable.

A Couple by Riverfront

Here are some of the important aspects that can help a woman very much in this direction.

Active Lifestyle

Does anyone like a lazy man or a woman? Does any one like a person who has not desire to be attached with some fruitful activities? Perhaps no one would like a person living without activities. So to be active is a major factor to get attention and respect of the others living in your surround. When a woman approaches a man for a definite purpose of establishing a relationship, he would be interested in knowing whether she would be dependent on him for everything in her life or not. Your business in your work and career would be a basic aspect attracting a man towards you.

Self Confidence

If you are confident about yourself, only then you can generate positive vibes about you in the minds of others. Self confidence can be termed as your belief that you can do such things in certain manner effectively. Once a man coming into your contact knows about the level of your self-confidence, he would be attracted towards you due to that reason.

Humour

Who does not like a smiling face? Who would not appreciate the carrying good humour? Every one likes. So your pleasant nature and the humorous talks would be an effective tool to attract a man towards you. Those who can make fun out of her own events of life would be in good demand at the parties and functions. It is very difficult and a balancing job to know how to be humorous about self. But men like such a woman who can do so. Light-heartedness is the key to open the closed doors of new relationships.

If you are humorous, if you are active in building your own career, you would certainly be looking energetic. Man likes such a woman who can be his companion in rough time. He would be interested more and more in you if you can show that you are confident about your abilities to lead a good life together.

Have Your Opinions

It is generally found in the characters of many men that they like the women more who have their own opinions in certain subjects. It does not mean that you should build your opinions about all the subjects under the sun. But you should have compact ideas about dealing with certain situations occurring in our everyday life. So have such opinions, and try not to change it often. This would certainly help building a strong view about your personality in the minds of the men you would come in contact.

Appearance

It is doubtless that the beauty comes with you when you are born. But you can add into your beauty by making your appearance better. Here enters the importance of dressing and manners and the way you approach the men coming in your contact. Looking good is a vast subject. Yu can take note of the issues ranging from how you look in your present hairstyle to the brand of the perfume you use. You would also love to see in mirror and think about how you would highlight your cheekbones and the lips. Man thing is that the appearance is the prime factor that could attract a man towards you, at least in the initial stage of your introduction with him.

Be Honest Showing Emotions

It is general belief among some women that men are less emotional. In fact it is not so. The men would appreciate you more if you are a woman of emotional nature. But be on guard not to be extra emotional. Suppose a woman feels jealous when her partner or spouse shows some friendship towards other women, the man might react in a tone of dislike for the jealousy. But in the deep down he would like it, as such jealousy can be the proof of your strong attachment with him. So to show emotions honestly is a good thing.

DATING: How To Attract A Woman, Or A Man

The attraction is a wide-ranging term we often use for the passion that drags us towards a particular person. If we go on knowing the word ‘attraction’ we would find three major factors composing the total shape of it. These factors are thus.

1. Physical attractiveness 2. Living in Vicinity 3. Similarity Of tastes

Physical attractiveness: Natural face and physique we own play a crucial role in attracting other persons towards us, especially a person of opposite sex. Physical attractiveness plays a crucial role in a person’s life in several ways. You can pass an interview for a better pay package, if you are a good-looking person. It is our general observations that men and women are judged, many a time, only by their physical appearances. This factor of good appearance not only work positively in employment; but it can play a very helping role in making friends, finding a partner for dating and deciding about other long-time relationships like marriage.

Sometimes it happens that a person, a beautiful woman or a handsome man, is attributed with positive characteristics like honesty and intelligence merely because she or he is a good looking person. In general terms, this factor is in known as attractiveness.

Living in Vicinity: After a series of meetings attended together, or after working for a month or two, the quite known persons, too, finds themselves within a bond. That’s the effect of being in vicinity. If you live in someone’s neighbourhood, or commutes in same trains, you would feel some affinity with that person. Such closely living men and women start feeling a kind of attraction in each other. With passing of more time there are all the chances that they would find themselves attracted towards each other.

Similarity Of tastes: Here the test of a happy life also is in action. If you want to live together, for a period of for a log time, you are supposed to share the interest of each other. That becomes a necessity for those who live together or pass more time together. But when two unknown person having similar tastes meet, they are supposed to be attracted more towards each other. When one meets a person who shares many of his or her interests; surely that would create a special kind of attraction. All of these three aspects, in addition to some other supporting factors constitute what we generally call ‘the attraction’.

In our ordinary life it happens that you lose general interest in life or some routine work. It can be the act of going to club or library of at the place where you work. Suddenly it happens that you start taking keen interest in these things; and the reason for such dramatic change is a person whom you like to see again and again. This factor that has put life in your activities is called the ‘attraction’ towards a particular person.

Attraction can be called as a special quality in a man or a woman; the quality that encourages the allurement in others. It leads to a feeling to be together with that person.

If you are dating a person, to know the reasons for your attraction is essential. If you search for these reasons, it can help you to build up a lasting and happy relationship. While searching for the reason of your attraction towards a person you should take into consideration the very principle of attraction itself. You can call this knowing about the rules of attraction of theory of attraction.

The attraction is a general term we use for the passion that drags us towards a particular person. If we dissect the term ‘attraction’ we would find clearly defined three factors that compose the total shape of it. These factors play important role in making one person attracted to another.

FRIENDSHIP: Relationship of Support and Affection

2009-04-30T23:55:00.003+05:30

Were we to define the word 'friendship', one of the greatest relationships in the world, we can summarize it in just two words. These words are ‘Supportive Affection’. No relationship would survive if there is absence of affection between or among the persons involved. When affection is qualified with the factor of active ‘support’, there the real friendship emerges.

The factor of supporting a friend could be active in many forms. Friendship would come into action when a friend faces some trouble and is in dire need of support and care.

Friendship is not just an association of persons who come to help their group members. It is good to be an active participant in such a supportive association; but the base of friendship is affection towards a particular person. Due to that affection, the friends feel themselves ‘bound’ in an emotional bondage. A string of intimacy would be there. Higher the level of intimacy, stronger would be a friendship.

A true friendship would defer in many ways from just acquaintance or mere desire to help each other while in need. Main difference is the notion of sympathy and mutual respect. The hearts of friends are like nests of the birds of sympathy for each other. A true friend would also be honest in relationship, as he or she would not hesitate to tell the truth in case of need, even if the truth so told might not be sweet for the ears of the other friend.

Andrew Carnegie, once the wealthiest man in the world, had said that 'to be happy' we need only two things: One, Healthy food; and two, a friend to whom you can tell anything, anything. The real friend is a person on whose shoulder you can put your head and cry.

In true friendship, a friend would always desire and act for providing the best available things or situations in life of the other friend. Such friendship can be between two men or between two women. But when such a true friendship is built between a man and a woman, it becomes more important for the life of both the friends. (Image Courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIP: A Waiting Room for Marriage Registration

2009-04-25T23:55:00.005+05:30

Theme: Requirement of Live-in Relationship. Couples facing Odds in Live-in Relationship

In married life, a spouse is a person who brings out the best in you. It is not the case that either of the couple is a perfect person, but the married life makes the couple believe that they may not be perfect humans, but they are perfect for each other.

Linda does prefer new attitudes like taking bath in cute designer bikini; or she would not mind to fall on her natural beauty when the it is seashore and the water is attracting for a sunny bath. She is natural offspring of the changed social setup and economic conditions affecting our life.

While thinking seriously about her ongoing relationship with Mike, she knew that the institution of marriage has gone through a major change. In present time more and more couples choose not to marry, but they desire to have long-term relationships without marriage. Thus they live together without being married and cohabitate just like spouses. They chose ‘Live-in Relationship’. Linda and Mike have find the answer to their problem.

The newly found system of Live-in Relationship is subjected to social denial from some sections, too. Mainly the protests come from the religious groups. There are people who still believe the ‘out of marriage’ sex as sin. In addition to this orthodox section of society, some of the feminists groups also believe that this system is one type of exploitation of the women.

With the increase of the people preferring live-in relationship, in many countries the courts are considering it as a virtual marriage. It helps the partners in case of death, legacy or issued of certain rights when they decide to live separate.

The emergence of system of live-in relationship is not a sudden one. It has certain reasons to be here; it has some concrete bases to survive and flourish in the present time. The persons attached in live-in relationship faces mainly the similar problems, which the married men and women couple face. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

Live-in Relationship: Time for Marriage, When It is Ripe?

Theme: Getting Married. The Ripe Time to Get Married. Factors Deciding to Get Married. Longer Live-in Relationship.

It is a golden rule that the means decide the fate of war and circumstances decide the behaviour of people. The happening of a marriage of a man and a woman is not an exception to this rule. The incident of marriage is also a product of certain circumstances. The reasons for getting married could be economical, social, ethical or emotional.

A couple, identified only as Org and Valmerie, getting married at Velddrif in 2007. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

Why Should One Decide To Marry?

Why should I get married? This is a vital question that hovers in every man and woman’s psychic while they really sit together and talks about their marriage.

The decision taken for getting married is not a task like entering a mall and shop for a par of jeans of a fashionable T-shirt. It is neither like wearing a new pair of shoes or sandals. But the marriage is a perfume that could last for whole of your life. So before purchasing a marriage suit or a wedding dress, think about the real circumstances that have made the desire to get married so intensive. It is same powerful among the men and women alike.

Among others there are two main elements, which carve out a necessity for a couple for going to the office of Marriage Registrar and sign the papers to declare them as husband and wife.

Long Time Live-in Relationship

When a couple lives with each other in live-in relationship since a fairly long time, say two or three years, it is right time to deicide about marrying. By this time they might have closely known about the nature and behavioural pattern of each other. After living together for such a period if they find it easy to live together for longer time, then marriage is a nice option. It would seal the beautiful bandage of love with a legal bondage, too.

Desire to Have Children

When one of the partners living together starts nurturing a desire to have a chid of their own, it is good time to run under the umbrella of marriage. In an alternative scenario, if there is birth of a child before marriage of the father and mother of the child, it would create a set of problems, including the social and financial difficulties. Above all the single mother would be suffering a lot more than a married woman. Hence majority of women think that it would be a nice decision to get married before having a child.

MARRIAGE: Why Marriageable Persons Delay Marrying

2009-04-25T23:55:00.003+05:30

Theme: Reasons for Delaying marriage. Fear of Being Married. Live-in Relationship. Marriage Institution Lacking Charm.

The Would-be-Bride With Flowers

Institution of marriage has undergone a drastic change during the spell of the second half of twentieth century. If we look at the present time, in the countries like

USA

and the European countries, the marriage is still not an ‘out of date’ phenomenon. It still holds meaning for those who wants to ensure the sense of security in life and desire a lasting relationship.

In one of the recent surveys, it has been seen that the rate of divorce has stabilised, or is falling in some countries. But more and more men and women prefer to marry in their late thirties or even in their forties. This has made the rate of first marriage to fall drastically in last years. It is really a cause of social concern that why the men and women of marriageable age tend to delay purchasing the wedding dress and marriage suit.

Researchers say that the young men and women are worried about several things before they decide about marrying. Desire to make his or her career better is one of the main reasons for delaying the decision for booking a party hall for wedding ceremony. Moreover many persons, men and women alike, fear about the concept of infidelity practiced during the married life, too. This fear is generated due to the apprehension about capability to satisfy the needs of his or her spouse.

It was the time, especially of the first half of the last century, when people liked to marry for the sake of their love relationship. Though the aspect of love has not lost its relevance, it is considered less and less as an important factor to get married. For the lovers the live-in relationship is the most suitable arrangement, as many of the marriageable persons consider it as stress-free arrangement. Here in this sphere, assistance from a good counselling can make a difference. It can help those by providing the awareness and knowledge about how to counter the feeling of insecurity embedded in the nature. Insecurity is one of the major causes contributing to the delaying of the marriages. Otherwise there is a huge class of people who want to grow old with their beloveds.

There is one more factor that contributes to the delaying of the marriages. Now a day most of the persons, men and woman alike, are becoming self-centric. And for a self centric person, to think about the needs and feelings of the other is a little bit difficult. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

How to Rescue Marriage from Financial Blunders

2009-04-20T23:55:00.009+05:30

Theme: Rescuing Marriage, Communication between spouses, Family Financial matter

It is not a secret that the financial issues become main reason for the couples to take divorce. Otherwise such a couple might be good for each other to live together forever.

Rome visit, June 2008 - 57,

originally uploaded by Ed Yourdon.

If it happens only due to the mismanagement of the home finances, it can be termed as blunder of one’s life. If some care were taken in advance, such blunders can be avoided. Let us see where we make mistake so far as the money matters involving a couple is concerned.

Communication Gap

Once got married and started indulging in their jobs, a couple hardly care about communicating about their problems to each other. There can be no bigger mistake than this one. Let us put it in this way: telling about everything happened in a day, in nutshell, is the key for a successful married life; and failing which would be a key reason for separation.

Blame Game

It is not uncommon for a family or a couple to be caught in a financial mess. If that is considered as a common difficulty, then it can have a workable solution. Instead if any one, a man or a woman, starts pointing fingers to another for being a cause of the difficulty would be carrying a dangerous luggage.

Blame game would not help anyone. The solution would be to go for short vacation, sit on a beautiful place and then think over the real issue and try to work out a possible solution to come out of the financial mess. Discuss and be happy: that is the golden rule of happiness.

Lack of Emergency Budget

A prudent house wife or an able administrator man must keep a window open to use it in case of any fire breaks out. This window is called the emergency budget. No one can predict about the unforeseen circumstances. So to have an arrangement to meet sudden expenses would be a good idea.

CONFLICT: How to Avoid Divorce

2009-04-10T23:55:00.009+05:30

Theme: Conflict in Relationship. Counseling Help. Problems related with Divorce and Separation.

A set of unfortunate circumstances leads a couple to the situation where they fail to find an alternative word for ‘Divorce’. Once this word 'divorce' starts looming in air, all important words in our life like 'wife' 'husband' 'children' start posing new definitions.

Divorce, Couple on Bed, originally uploaded by rcia424.

Dismal Scenario: Imagine this. You are to get a promotion in your job. Your elder daughter has just started going to school. Due to your precise financial planning, your husband’s housing loan is soon to be paid in full. And there changes the situation. Due to your intense involvement in your job and home issues, you could not know that your husband is having an affair. After considering all the alternatives you have to come to one word conclusion: Divorce. Divorce is nobody’s choice per se. It is child of no one’s desire; nor it is a gadget that one would plan going to a mall and like to own. It happens as a compulsion only. It is like you were driving in rough weather anyhow, but at one point you arrive at a dead end.

There is hardly an aspect your life where the incident of divorce does not affect badly. It has implications on your children, finances, routine life, psychology, and even your behaviour. For a time you would feel caught in corridor where there is no way to go out.

But if you sit peacefully and think, there can be some positive way out of this mess. Because once you are divorced then there are less chances for reunion. So it would be better to think about conciliation and talk with your spouse freely and frankly. Starting of a relationship de novo can't be ruled out at any point of time.

Ultimately finding no reason to live together, if you have to walk on the thorny path of an unstoppable divorce, you should know about the things you are to go through in near future. Here are some of the factors that could be very disappointing to know, but you should know it.

DIVORCE AND CHILDREN : The single largest damage a divorce inflicts is upon the children. When the children are minor, naturally the mother would get the custody and they will continue to live with their mother, though in a changed scenario.

DIVORCE AND FINANCES : Nothing remains untouched. Man and woman both would have the burnt of the divorce. And among the scores of scar, the increased financial burden is the worst enemy. Generally the woman would suffer more; as she is to move out of the house in most of the cases where the house is owned by man. The decree of divorce would order nobody else but the woman who had to pack up her bags desk and take his photos pictures off the drawing room wall and walk out of the door permanently.

DIVORCE AND CHANGED LIFE : The divorcees would never find their life as usual as it was before. The man who is left with empty wall of his house would find the life tasteless. The woman who has moved out of house would find it more impossible to cope of the crowd of questions swinging like a naked sward before her eyes.

CONFLICT: How To Get Your Ex Back, and become a happy couple

2009-04-10T23:50:00.005+05:30

Theme: Tips to Get your Ex boy fried Back. Modus Operandi of getting your ex-spouse back. How to get back your ex-partner.

happy couple, originally uploaded by timo.kosenko.

Our first emotional response to a loss suffered would be the grief. When we lose someone as a friend or a relative, we are clouded by the shadows of grievous state of mind. And there can be hardly a bigger loss than the company of a person whom you like most, the person for which you have innumerable expectations about how you would pass life and be happy with.

Why One Wants Ex Back?

Ex lover or souse is a person in whom you have invested your emotions and hopes of being happy. One would find it difficult to cope up with the changed situation in the absence of someone with whom the happy and unhappy moments are shared. The emptiness created by separation of a beloved would become more acute where you get less support from other people involved in your life. That is why most of the person wants to get their ex back in their life.

How to Get Your Ex Back

Sincere Planning: Sara was at compete loss when Mac told her to move out of relationship. She had no idea that Mac would leave her for another girl; and thus she was driving smoothly in her life with a set of legitimate expectations for a lasting relationship. She was not ready to see about their one and half year long live-in relationship ending at such a sharp curve.

Sara is a woman full of emotions; but she has kept the rational mind in tact despite her job in an art shop. She decides to get Mack, the unforgettable tutor in Geometry. She makes out a plan to get her faulty driver back to her.

What to do for Getting Your Ex Back

For getting Mac back in her life, Sara will have to follow a well-knight plan that would involve passion, clear cut following, and a focused attention on the on going incidents in Mac’s life. When a couple or partners get separated, both of them become ex of each other. Pain would be the word they might not forget for a time. But the more pain would be inflicted on the person who is rejected by another. It is very painful to get separated and being rejected.

It is always seen that the rejected lovers would find themselves in their own anguish. Due to this anger and anguish they are unable to follow the logical path. Instead they would have chosen some constructive steps to get their ex back and restore the previous situation in life.

Re Working the Self : Sara, though an emotional creature herself, took a straight path of reopening the possibilities of reconciliation with Mac after she had moved out from his home. She knew that Mac disliked her smoking habit. So as a first step, she telephoned Mac asking about his mother’s health, as she was not keeping good health. During their talk she casually said, "I am was trying to quit the company of cigarettes, gradually".

Reshaping the Self : When Sara knew from her best friend Luciana that she needs a new hairstyle, she booked her first visit to a good hair dresser in her locality. She changed her hair style making her face to look oval shaped and a little bit more charming. One thing she did not forget was to put her new photograph on her Facebook page. She knew Mac would not miss seeing her page.

Wait and not Haste : For Sara nothing seemed going in right direction. In addition to the mental worries she fell to the victim of late nigh TV viewing and the caring less about her health. She caught bad cold. Her doctor told her to remain at home for a week for rest.

On third day of her rest, it was not morning yet, just dawn; and her door bell made her to get up early and attend the unexpected fellow at the door.

He was Mac. Without showing any formality, he started scolding her for not informing him about her being so ill. It was the day she liked to cry; it was the dawn when she knew how important a good friend’s company was. She realized that Mac had gone nowhere; he was just in her embrace. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

HEALTH SECRETS : Be Social and Avoid Diseases

2009-03-31T23:55:00.001+05:30

Theme: Social Activities and its Positive Effects of Our Health. Go social and Remain Fit.

Goodchildren Downtown Easter Parade, participants gathering on Poland Avenue before start of the parade, Bywater section of New Orleans. (Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

If you are a loner; if you are a single man or a single woman; then you would find it difficult to watch over your diet. You are bound to miss your daily quota of the exercises, too. Is there any solution for this problem of watching over the diet and the exercises’ for keeping you fit and healthy? Yes there is a golden path to follow. There is a nice and very effective remedy for this. And the remedy can be described in just two words: Be social.

Yes, if you become more social and mix with the people with more ease and comfort, you would get many solutions for your personal problems. The properly cooked and a balanced diet have direct effect on our well-being. The exercises and yoga posture would stimulate the hidden energy of our body. But our social life is equally important for our total health. There have been numerous surveys done in this field and most of these surveys have established the vital importance of the social factor.

We can have the benefits of these social factors in many ways, like becoming a member of a group of the persons having similar interest of participating in the competitions arranged by a group of neighbours. This would help in reducing the level of stress and helping us to own a nicely operating digestion system.

It has been noticed that the participants of such group activities are less prone to the health disorders like dementia or stroke or stress related diseases. We can go to football club or a card game sitting; we may attend a birthday party or a school function of our niece. Any vent would be a health tonic for us, as it mixes us with the people and decreases our stress level. In turn that results in good digestion and resultant health.

RELATIONSHIP : Managing Step Children

2009-01-02T23:55:00.002+05:30

The presence of Step children should not be a problem in a family of level-headed persons. But sometimes it happens that such problems crop-up.

Gerald, 37, an art class instructor, has two step boys. He is married since two years and his wife, a levelheaded woman of 45, has no problem with any one in the family. But Gerald feels, and keeps thinking too, that his own daughter of thirteen is not getting her share of a good family life. But he does not speak his mind.

One cannot expect his/her partner to be a mind reader. Without speaking about the real issues or needs, the misconception would persist endlessly. If there is element of fear asking for own needs, the same is baseless and undesirable too if one wants to live happily in a family. It would also be wide of the mark to mask your real requirement and not to talk straight about the same.

Here the solution lies in following the Golden Rule: Honesty always pays. Be honest. Do spell out your desires before your spouse/partner. It would clear your mind and help finding a permanent solution. It would you’re your spouse/partner more attached with you, as such discussions help understanding how you value your relationship.

For talking together, for being open to each other, go to a good restaurant or plan your weekend on a hilltop. You can avoid involving children in the discussion if their behaviour is not a direct issue. Otherwise the children also can assist arriving on an honest solution; and it would be better not to underestimate the abilities of children in helping to keep family in tact. (Images courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

RELATIONSHIP: Problems in Desiring a Child

2009-01-02T23:53:00.003+05:30

In a relationship, to nurture a desire for a baby is not a sin, Ladies and Gentlemen.

In a working relationship, the desire of having a child desired by either of the partners may sometimes arise a problem or misunderstanding between the partners, too.

Damon, 42, a formerly a lecturer in chemistry, was the only African to be selected as professor in his own college. His relations with Amanda, his Canadian student was travelling on a smooth road till the date he talked about having children, at least one child. Amanda still in her early thirties is reluctant to be a mother, though nor against having a child.

Here the cultural difference, too, seems to have played a role. A person generally plays the role that has been cast by her/his culture. It doesn’t work. The couples would certainly fall into their respective holes (cultural roles), and ruin the prospect of being happy.

In the cases like Damon and Amanda’s, a good counsel can do much; can find out a nice solution. The goodwill for each other and the happiness that the couple enjoyed in past would certainly help solution. Go for counselling, if such incidences visit your life. After all the good relationship can be negotiated, talked across the table, and enjoyed happily for whole life. (Image courtesy Wikemedia Commons)

RELATIONSHIP : Give Time and Get Love

2009-01-02T23:51:00.020+05:30

Allotting sufficient time is a crucial factor relationship. Giving sufficient time to your partner or spouse is essential in maintaining a good relationship. In its absence you might find some odd problems. Davis, a football player of his district, had cultivated close relationship with Internet surfing. He had almost everything what a woman could want in a husband. Besides being elder-like kind he was a good provider. He checks her car for the petrol and tires for air; he reminds her umbrella while there could be rain outside. Beyond doubt he has earned a right to be respected by his wife.

Walter Sadler - Married. Oil on Canvas. Mackelvie Trust Collection, Auckland Art Gallery

But there is one flaw in his goodness. He spends more than half of his home-time in front of his laptop. Dona dislikes. “It’s terrible Davis, to sit endlessly looking at your girl friend and not attending wife: that is what she would say before going to bed, generally alone. By the girl friend she means the computer screen.

Perhaps, there is much truth in Dona’s argument. The ‘closeness’ is pivotal in keeping the relationship warm. No one should expect love from the other side while he or she remains virtually absent in hone. The marriage is an arrangement, an understanding of two lovers, to pass their time and life together.

This couple had no complaint about their love relationship. They love each other, ready to die for each other. But the to fall in, love is not the end goal of life. The happiness lies in maintaining the same for long time, for life. Paying attention to your spouse/partner is a process, a permanent licence of happiness. [Image courtesy By Walter Dendy Sadler (1854-1923) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons]

RELATIONSHIP : SHAPING YOUR HEALTH

2009-01-02T23:50:00.006+05:30

You would have never thought that a kiss could help keeping dental worries at bay or a gratifying sexual act at night make you feel fit and fresh the next morning. But that's what studies across the web claim

No one would dispute that healthy sex leads to a healthy life. And the men and women wanting to be healthy by this means tirelessly try the measures adding extra glow to their skin or a perfect shine to their hair, keeping purpose of fulfilling sex in their minds. It is beyond doubt that a healthy sex helps in providing solutions to solving many problems, including depression. The depression is the major pleasure-killer. There are numerous cases where the depression or anxiety had led to the loss of sex drive.

The couples that are practicing a fulfilled and happy sexual life would be doing exercises, too, while engaging themselves in the corporeal act: they would burn extra calories, and that would help keeping them fit. The sexologists and fitness experts are of the opinion that the healthy sex helps combating asthma, relieving headache, reducing depression, and tranquillising minds.

The experts in the field argue that 'sex' produces certain types of hormones that bring happiness. And these helping hormones help making bodies fit and mind healthy. They also claim that the pleasurable sexual intimacy promotes wellness, as the sex boosts certain chemicals in the body that protects us against diseases. Strangely enough the experts place their views that sex, including masturbation, might help easing joint and muscle pain, combating depression, promoting health of heart, and thus lengthening one's life span. [Preapared by Naval Langa] (Image courtesy Wikimedia Comons)

RELATIONSHIP : Syndromes and Break-ups

2009-01-02T23:29:00.005+05:30

In a relationship, it is not only the vices that spoil the things. sometimes the virtues, too, play their unintended role. It would sound strange, but yes, certain tipe of do-gooder-ness can create problems, the difficult to solve type of problems. It can happen in any one's relationship or a married life. Here is an example.

LIFE IS A TEAM WORK

(Image courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

"I AM RESPONSIBLE" SYNDROME

Karina, 29, an accountant in a multi national firm, was a goalkeeper for three years in the team playing on behalf of her college. That played havoc. It made her to believe that; “She is the person who is to defend every eventualities and act exclusively”. It happens. Our profession creates variety of effects on our minds.

But while living with Denis she thinks that she is responsible for whatever wrong is done in the house. And it makes her uncomfortable if a friend’s party is missed or a guest is not properly attended. She also thinks that due to their living-in, Denis is not able to look after his mother, who is in hospital for her breast cancer.

To keep a relationship going and become happy is just like teamwork. No single person can be branded as responsible for success or failure of the same. Live-in relationship, or a married life, joins two unique persons, but to convert it into a happy life requires coordinated efforts. So it would be better to think as a team and not a lone traveler in the desert of Sahara.

ATTENTION : The Licence For Permanent Happiness

2009-01-01T01:20:00.007+05:30

MAN AND WOMAN [Photo courtesy PHOTOBUCKET ]

Katie Firestone, a computer savvy woman of 34, went through a set of unexpected circumstances. Disagreeing on why should they install new cooling system this year, both of they had targeted the crockery. On the morning when they had used out al the dishes in the dishwasher, she had decided to drive to her old, single-woman apartment—leaving Richard to drawn himself in black label glasses.

She was disappointed on her fourteen year stepdaughter Stephe’s behaviour. The incidence happened like this: before going to boarding school Stephe had asked for money to her father and without informing Katie she had flown away, leaving the bag prepared by Katie waiting on the rack. That was the month-old resentment. But Katie didn’t discuss it with Richard. Neither he cared to reopen the file.

Disagreements occur, but wisdom lies in speaking them out and trying to find the amicable solution. Nether would the name-calling help. It may help only to worsen the situation.

In Richard’s case instead of surrendering to the bottles, he should have sat with Katie. He is the person who ultimately can talk on behalf of his daughter. Katie’s hurt feelings required immediate attention. And the cooling system can wait until other things remain hot.

It’s a golden rule to maintain healthy relationship that the persons involved should try solve problem as they arise. To allow the resentment simmer can cause a burst out, causing damages beyond repair. Were the differences, the disagreements, allowed to remain alive for long, they would hurt partners feeling and could lead to find defences against one another. And soon they would start feeling strangers in their own homes. [Prepared By NAVAL LANGA]

Rescuing Your Relationship: A Challenge Affecting Your Life And Lifestyle

2009-01-01T01:15:00.007+05:30

Arising of disputes among partners/spouses is not uncommon. But when it happens, it reminds us some basic rules to follow while starting, building a relationship. If we take care for looking at these rules; the incidences creating unhappiness could be avoided. Here are some useful tips, in a case study manner, for building a healthy love life with a spouse or a partner. That can help rescuing a marriage or a relationship. [Photo courtesy flickr]

Amanda, 34, a teacher in fashion designing school, has tried a lot for saving her relationship with Thomas, a banker. Amada argues: I have been open-minded, honest and constantly trying to keep the relationship alive. She honestly believes that she could have done no better than what she was doing. She vehemently asks that why Thomas had not made any efforts from his side.

Such a situation can happen when both partners/spouses are trying to find the solution on their own ways, in their own manner and style. They are perhaps the victims of the pattern of not listening to each other. Such conflict is common in relationships, and it can be set right only finding a rational way. The spouses might be attempting seriously for rescuing their relationship, but about the problems they might be doing guesswork and then trying to shoot the problem.

Here lies the blunder. : Avoid any guesswork and go straight to the core. Ask your partner what she/he thinks on the issues leading to dispute.

Rules of Relationship : Tips To Build A Lasting Relationship

2009-01-01T00:10:00.022+05:30

When we go purchasing a car or a bike we choose a company, its model and finally the durability of the engine. While choosing a partner we are expected to go for more homework. Happier would be the life as the basic concepts are made clearly understood.

Man and Woman, Pushing a Loaded Tri-cycle

Just on the last Christmas Clara, a bookseller aged 39, had lost her partner to another woman. John was a budding writer, but they could not carry on. Incidence of the break-up made her blind on thinking about future; she was motionless on what to do now. She had craved for intimacy; now she needed to be loved. It took a whole year to come out of the prison cell of the after shock of that paiful parting. (Image Courtesy Wikimedia Commons)

Arising of such a situation is not uncommon. But when it happens, it reminds us some basic rules to follow while starting, building a relationship. Had these rules been taken care of, the incidences like Clara and John's unhappiness could have been avoided. Here are tips for building a healthy love life with a spouse or a partner.

A It’s natural that every one has his/her beliefs about relationships. No person falls in love to face dishonesty from the other side. No one. But the irony is that one of the partners would create it when another would have least expected. So before starting a serious relationship, just know your partner’s genuine beliefs about the relationship--in all of its seriousness.

B There are no watertight rules framed for choosing a partner capable for a lasting relationship; but the open eyes help too much. Evaluation of a would-be partner must be done in respect of his/her personality, especially about the general behavior towards other friends and family members. It would be of paramount importance how she/he respects basic values of life and practices the difference between the words and deeds. In short look at the flame before you burn your skin.

C A man or a woman is attracted to another woman or a man for different reasons, sometimes due to the strange reasons, too. A person may look good to us because he/she resembles someone whom we loved in past. There is a story where in a young lady is attracted to a person only because his face was very much like her brother who died in a car accident before three years. A man might have his hairstyle like your father or a woman might have eyes like the primary teacher whom you revered much. It’s good to befriend such a person; but while stating a serious relationship, such things should be filtered out.

D At the start of acquaintance, a person might look extraordinary. It happens due to good physique of nice habit of dressing, too. The initial satisfaction from sexual encounters also plays a grounding role in blinding one’s intellectual eyes. So avoid equating sex with real love.

E If we take our relationship as we take a weekend party, then it is certainly to be ended within weeks. So have, and show too, utmost respect for the relationship you are going to build. Your partner would be taking it seriously only on the basis of the respect you show to ongoing affairs. Importance of mutual respect is paramount in building a healthy, long lasting relationship with your partner of a spouse.

Even at the cost of repetition let it be said again that there are no watertight rules for choosing a right partner. But if the eyes and minds were open with a wide feedback of some knowledge, it would certainly be helpful in building a lasting, happy relationship.

WORRIED ABOUT SEXUAL PROWESS ? : DO REGULAR EXERCISES

2009-01-01T00:05:00.003+05:30

No lotions needed: no oils; nor the pills. The best possible way to boost sexual prowess is to do exercises, that is what a Turkish study says.

People in various yoga asanas

(Image courtesy Wikimedia commons)

What’s more, physical activity might even boost erections in old age, the study has found. To reach the conclusion, the researchers took rodents aged two years old - equivalent to over 60 in human years and trained them in a water tank for 30 minutes a day. After eight weeks they compared them with untrained rats and found increased testosterone levels and improved activity in the way they processed chemicals responsible for causing an erection.

"Regular exercise may improve an erection by increasing penile neurotransmitter and plasma testosterone levels in both young and aged rats," News.com.au quoted the study. Discussing the resut of the study, Dr Chris McMahon, Australian sexual health expert, has expressed his views in these words : "If you exercise these aged rats, who are probably parallel to aged men in their 60s and 70s, you can improve the way that their blood vessels work.” [source : The Times of India]

It is well-established fact that Sexuality and Sexual Health is an integral part of being human; and our relations with others are more or less dependent on our health in general. And there is nothing wrong in believing that a healthy sex life is the right of all persons. The age, gender or state of health hardly can be limit the scope of such a right.

When we approach some professionas for counseling, they deal with the people of any age, sex, health status or gender preference. They will at some time in their professional experience find themselves dealing with issues of sexuality in their work situation. Meeting the sexual health needs of clients is unique and it requires a good grasp of communication skills in sexual issues, sexual history taking and counseling techniques.

It is beyond discussion that a healthy life gives a healthy sexual life and resulting in good relationship with a partner of wife. Everyone’s aim is to enjoy a better health. And there are simple ways to get and maintain the same, as it hardly involves a great deal of effort. Researchers at Rush University Medical Center have come to our help through their researches. Here is the modus operandi to be healthy and happy.

Regular exercise is the first necessity; you can go for meditation and breathing techniques to reduce the stress level, too. Coupled with this there are ways as simple as listening to soothing and pleasant music and reading a good book. Hot tub and a short play with your per can help you relaxing or reducing the stress.

Look at Laura, 37, mother of two one being of three years. Her lesson of good health starts from the morning and with her mouth only. She observes a practice of good oral hygiene, spending some minutes in brushing teeth twice in a day. Her habits are a good legacy to her children, too, as it would be useful in many ways. It may keep also the other diseases at bay.

John, 48, an architect has a habit of doing crossword puzzles. The activities that challenge our minds, such as reading or say playing chess, that would provide some protective effects on our brain. And John practices his art of solving crossword puzzles in spare time. It relaxes him.

Mrs. Gail Murdock, 49 and a bank manager, just needs no enemy to ruin her health general and life in particular. There is no greater enemy of mankind other than the excessive drinking. She has cultivated close relationship with the heavy drinking after break-up of her second marriage. It cannot be said otherwise than in this sentence.

MARRIED LIFE: The Platform for a Happy Life

2009-01-01T00:02:00.006+05:30

I strongly believe that getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. First you order what you want. And then your eyes wander from plate to plate of the other diners. Once you start eating your plate, you start thinking that you should have ordered the plate the other person is having on his table.

My personal life is a carriage that is full with marrital agonies. Once we were on railway platform of Banaras, during my first ever religious tour. We were travelling since a week. By that time my wife had been quite displeased for outward display of my beliefs about Gods and Goddesses. And by that time she had realised that she was not in a good company.

Though she holds her own concepts about her three decades plus long company with me. But at that moment her face showed clear disregard for the lack of religious flavour in my character. And as being an authentic person, she was showing the entire stock of that displeasure all over her face, mainly on her nose. I was moved. I could not see that. The element of displeasure did not match with her rosy face. So for making the atmosphere lighter, I asked her, “Why the train is so late today, Madame?”

“Why are you asking me? Am I serving in the railways?”* That was the bombshell. The rose was angry at every petal. (* This is real life experience of mine, ours. And when I had heard these gunshot words, there was tea in my mouth. And due to the shock, and a subsequent coughing, a better part of the tea had gone into my nose.)

Now a days my wife is undergoing a special care project that she has devised for me. And the reason is that our family doctor has hinted that I might suffer health hazards, if I do not care about my diet. The plus fifty-ness is a plate, full of hard nuts. The real blows are on dining table. My wife reminds me what the doctor has told me. I hate remembering a doctor, especially when I am in front of a delicious plate. In fact I compare the pool of doctors with the airline companies: we give them business and they take us for a ride.

Once I had asked my doctor about the food I should be careful about. He said, “Put anything on your tongue, and if it tastes good, spit it out.” But the recent diet restrictions make me crazy. It has virtually closed down all the shops selling sweets in the city. When such shop passes by the window of my car, I feel like what Majanoo would have been feeling while Laila’s Barrat might be going away.

On my wife's admant insistence on the simple diet, and being much fed up, ultimately one day I told her that, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She did not reacted sharly as usual. Instead she smiled and replied, "Yes, dear, I knew you were. But I was in love and failed to notice that."